Today was Sunday, which is chore day around these parts---laundry and a visit to Walmart for groceries. I didn't walk on the track, but Michael and I plan to start a 24-week walk/jog program tomorrow after work. We'll start out mostly walking, but by the end we should be jogging 30 minutes straight! Michael is under the weather today but hopefully he'll feel up to joining me at the track tomorrow.
We had some more temperate weather here for about a week (relatively speaking) but today it felt hot and uncomfortable outside all over again. I can't wait for fall to really show up! Patience...
It's hard to know if I'm really accomplishing anything by doing any of this, but I did stick to my calorie for the budget today. It's one more day under my belt and hey, tomorrow will mark the end of my first week on-plan! I don't think I'll be weighing in until 2 weeks on-plan, but I'll definitely post the results here when I step on the scale the Tuesday after this one.
Honestly, despite the fact that I'm not a heavily religious person, the word that comes to mind most often when I think about these small beginnings to my weight-loss journey is faith.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Day 5: My Inner Rebellious Brat
I got myself into a snippy mood today . . . still getting used to not being able to eat endless amounts of food. It really brought out my inner rebellious brat voice today. You know, the one that Does not like being told what to do! It seems like a lot of this weight loss game is about waiting out that voice; I just need to have enough faith that this will work and that yes, it is worth it, I can outlast the rebellion and carry on doing what I need to do.
I've read a number of blogs where it sounded like the beginning of the diet was a relatively easy "honeymoon" period. . . . I don't think that's ever been the case with me. The first two weeks of a new food plan have always been really challenging for me, till I find my groove. The next time real challenge strikes is around week 12 or so, when I start to get "bored." If I can grit my teeth and keep going, I know I'll make it through the gauntlet of the first 2 weeks. Then some of the cravings will chill out a bit and I won't feel so angsty all the time.
Today we went to training class with the Bean (really we're probably the ones who need the training ;), and it went really well until near the end when I couldn't get him to do something and the combination of being hungry, hot, and frustrated almost made me snap. My boyfriend has been an angel today; I think he understands that a lot of my snippyness is coming from dealing with my rebellious brat voice all the time, fighting cravings, and then trying to cope with everyday life as well.
Now that I think about it, I don't know that I've ever successfully lost much weight while living my everyday life. The two times I dropped about 25 lbs were both times in my life when I was taking a bit of a break from the grind---staying with family and not working much (if at all). If I can lose weight this time---which I WILL---while still fully immersed in "real" life, it will be an even bigger triumph!
I've read a number of blogs where it sounded like the beginning of the diet was a relatively easy "honeymoon" period. . . . I don't think that's ever been the case with me. The first two weeks of a new food plan have always been really challenging for me, till I find my groove. The next time real challenge strikes is around week 12 or so, when I start to get "bored." If I can grit my teeth and keep going, I know I'll make it through the gauntlet of the first 2 weeks. Then some of the cravings will chill out a bit and I won't feel so angsty all the time.
Today we went to training class with the Bean (really we're probably the ones who need the training ;), and it went really well until near the end when I couldn't get him to do something and the combination of being hungry, hot, and frustrated almost made me snap. My boyfriend has been an angel today; I think he understands that a lot of my snippyness is coming from dealing with my rebellious brat voice all the time, fighting cravings, and then trying to cope with everyday life as well.
Now that I think about it, I don't know that I've ever successfully lost much weight while living my everyday life. The two times I dropped about 25 lbs were both times in my life when I was taking a bit of a break from the grind---staying with family and not working much (if at all). If I can lose weight this time---which I WILL---while still fully immersed in "real" life, it will be an even bigger triumph!
Friday, September 18, 2009
Day 4: An Evening Walk and an Ice Cream Cone
Today was a great end to the work week---a very busy day in which I felt really useful and productive on the job. I was so busy, in fact, that I didn't eat all the snacks I brought with me for the day, which gave me some extra calories to play with this evening. I did not eat "perfectly" at all; the perfectionist in me knows that for dinner I should have had wild Alaskan salmon (grilled), a salad of farmer's market greens, and something like quinoh or brown rice to round things out. The real me had a Lean Cuisine 4-cheese personal pizza and two slices of whole wheat bread with butter-type spread. And then, after a mile-long walk at the track with Michael and the Bean: a vanilla ice cream cone from McDonald's. A lot of people would probably judge me for my choices, but I'm just trying to keep things simple: For the foreseeable future, all I am worrying about foodwise is sticking to my 1700 calorie/day budget. And so far, I have been able to do that! It's a good feeling :). Day 2 was so very hard, that I truly appreciate days like today even more.
Speaking of the walk we took: I'm so glad we discovered this middle-school track nearby! It is the perfect place for me to get started building up my cardiovascular stamina. Today we did a mile, and I plan to increase that bit by bit and hopefully start doing a walk-jog program I found in a book soon. I'm just taking things one day at a time for now. I'm trying not to think too far ahead (it gets overwhelming) and just make a consistent daily effort to meet my simple goals for calorie limit and exercise.
Consistently,
Hilsie
Speaking of the walk we took: I'm so glad we discovered this middle-school track nearby! It is the perfect place for me to get started building up my cardiovascular stamina. Today we did a mile, and I plan to increase that bit by bit and hopefully start doing a walk-jog program I found in a book soon. I'm just taking things one day at a time for now. I'm trying not to think too far ahead (it gets overwhelming) and just make a consistent daily effort to meet my simple goals for calorie limit and exercise.
Consistently,
Hilsie
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Day 3: Back to Work and Scouting Out the Track
Today I was well enough to get back to work. I was kind of in a scramble this morning as I got ready to catch the bus, but I managed to throw together a lunch and two snacks to take with me. Bringing my own food to the office will probably save me some decent cash (especially on the snacks, because I was in the habit of buying two king-size candy bars every day there).
I have to say that managing my diet seemed easier at the office than when I was just home all day lying around feeling miserable. I did get hungry a few times, but there was enough work-related distraction that it didn't become too overwhelming.
One day after another, one foot in front of another, I guess this is my version of faith. I can't see how it will all become easy and natural for me yet, but that's not stopping me from trying.
Michael and I did some scouting in the neighborhood this evening and found a middle-school track a little less than a mile away where we can do some walking and hopefully even walk-jogging. It felt kind of silly to be driving such a short distance in order to walk, but when my whole workout is walking one mile, walking a mile to the track and back is just not going to happen (yet). Anyway, so we drove over there and parked, and we even brought the Bean. It was a family effort!
And it was great! We did four full laps, which is one mile, and there were plenty of other folks out there but not so many that it was overly crowded. We saw some people who definitely seemed to be part of a training group of some kind, and we saw a golden retriever, and we saw a kid on a unicycle. It's happening at that track, I'm telling you. The weather was great, slightly overcast and breezy and so much cooler than it's been all summer (which isn't to say it was cold; this is the south, after all!).
Now we're back home and I still have 195 calories left to enjoy a post-dinner treat. Sweet!
Consistently,
Hilsie
I have to say that managing my diet seemed easier at the office than when I was just home all day lying around feeling miserable. I did get hungry a few times, but there was enough work-related distraction that it didn't become too overwhelming.
One day after another, one foot in front of another, I guess this is my version of faith. I can't see how it will all become easy and natural for me yet, but that's not stopping me from trying.
Michael and I did some scouting in the neighborhood this evening and found a middle-school track a little less than a mile away where we can do some walking and hopefully even walk-jogging. It felt kind of silly to be driving such a short distance in order to walk, but when my whole workout is walking one mile, walking a mile to the track and back is just not going to happen (yet). Anyway, so we drove over there and parked, and we even brought the Bean. It was a family effort!
And it was great! We did four full laps, which is one mile, and there were plenty of other folks out there but not so many that it was overly crowded. We saw some people who definitely seemed to be part of a training group of some kind, and we saw a golden retriever, and we saw a kid on a unicycle. It's happening at that track, I'm telling you. The weather was great, slightly overcast and breezy and so much cooler than it's been all summer (which isn't to say it was cold; this is the south, after all!).
Now we're back home and I still have 195 calories left to enjoy a post-dinner treat. Sweet!
Consistently,
Hilsie
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Day 2: The Last Shred of My Sanity?
Today I accidentally threw my dog's leash in the trash can. That's how out of it I've been all day. Yes, I'm still under the weather; but it's more than that . . . it feels like as I stick to my food plan I am losing the last bits of sanity I had. Somehow being able to eat whatever, in whatever amounts, kept me feeling like I could keep myself together for the most part. Now I'm facing . . . what lies beneath (queue scaryish movie montage). What lies beneath is a girl who has lost almost all faith in herself.
Still, I made it through today by the skin of my teeth. I stuck exactly to my 1700-calorie budget. Every day that passes will be another day that I build faith in myself. In the meantime? I guess I just have to act "as if" I already have that belief in a positive future and a successful me.
Consistently,
Hilsie
Still, I made it through today by the skin of my teeth. I stuck exactly to my 1700-calorie budget. Every day that passes will be another day that I build faith in myself. In the meantime? I guess I just have to act "as if" I already have that belief in a positive future and a successful me.
Consistently,
Hilsie
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Day 1: A Simple Plan and My Starting Weight
Today was Day 1 of the journey I am taking to lose and keep off 80 lbs. All the forces aligned to make this Tuesday in September the first day of the rest of my life. Honestly, I had given up on losing the weight until something started to shift in my mind about a week and a half ago. I think that reading the blog of Sean Anderson was the tipping point; his daily diary of an amazing, life-saving weight-loss journey (now in its 365th day!) completely opened my eyes.
It was the simplicity and consistency of his "plan" that got to me: eat 1500 calories per day, and exercise. And that was it. It didn't matter how he used the calories; just that he stayed within bounds. As I read his entries from Day 1, I wasn't hearing any fussing about organic vs non-organic, or about eating only certain foods or avoiding any foods. I was reading about a guy trying to eat his favorite foods, but in moderation. It sounded challenging and yet refreshingly simple.
As I kept reading, I saw how he slowly ramped up his exercise routine and strove for consistency in his habits above almost everything else. And how successful he was---and this is someone real and relatable, whose daily entries have that unmistakable heart of authenticity.
I really believe that I will do this. I have to do this. Being 80 lbs overweight might not put me squarely in the life-or-death category of obesity, but it makes life . . . well, uncomfortable, a lot of the time. My lower back hurts from doing the smallest amount of housework. I've noticed that airplane seats seem to have shrunk . . . . erm. Right? Same goes for public transportation seats. I'm sick of the focus of my life being on eating. I'm tired of hiding behind that. Maybe this really is life-or-death in a way, because my life has felt so diminished as I have sat here covered by layers of excess fat. My confidence, my energy levels, my willingness to meet new people . . . all of it diminished. I'm afraid to shoot for the stars. Instead I have another candy bar and try not to think about it.
But not anymore.
I'm following a modified version of Sean's simple plan in that I am giving myself a daily calorie bank of 1700 calories per day rather than 1500. I will also be building up my exercise levels over time. It was a minor bummer that today, Day 1, I woke up sick. I still had to walk the Bean (our little dog), so ended up getting in 0.8 miles of walking, but other than that I had to rest. I stuck to my calorie budget---in fact, I still have 150 calories left for an after-dinner snack---and even challenged myself to choose something for lunch from a place I've regularly overate from in the past: Boston Market. After doing a little research, I settled on a smoked turkey plate (regular size) with sides of herbed new potatoes and green beans, and half a piece of cornbread. It was really tasty, and only clocked in at about 440 calories for a very satisfying meal. My little experiment was a success! Which is great news, because more than anything I don't want my weight-loss plan to be a cause to fear "real-world" eating experiences. That was a problem with pretty much all of my past plans . . . I never did get a grip on how to eat normal food in normal amounts at the places my friends and family frequented. I never taught myself how to take responsibility for these food choices. Instead I just tried to avoid them---but eventually that always caught up with me and often caused the demise of whatever diet I happened to be on.
I felt some physical hunger at several points during the day, despite the fact that I felt like I was eating quite a bit. And the weird thing is I got kind of disappointed in myself for being hungry. Huh. Honestly, I think I'm mostly scared that hungry feelings will wear down my resistance. But that just can't be allowed to happen this time! My new watchword: Consistency. If I stick to my calorie budget and give exercise an honest, regular effort, I can reach a healthy weight and life a fuller life than I have in years. I know I can do this. I'm fortunate to have the unconditional love and support of my boyfriend, who is behind me 100% of the way. I'm doing this for me first and foremost, but I can't deny that this could have tremendous positive impact on our life together and perhaps even my career. I have made enough excuses and stayed in this rut long enough (over 5 years). I am going to act "as if" I have what it takes to go the distance, even on the days when I'm not feeling great about myself. I am going to keep doing what it takes to lose the weight.
This morning I weighed in on our home scale at 203 lbs. An all-time high. As I work my way down to around 125 lbs, I know there will be some struggles---but I'm also finally open to seeing all the positive aspects of the journey. I have faith in this.
Consistently,
Hilsie
It was the simplicity and consistency of his "plan" that got to me: eat 1500 calories per day, and exercise. And that was it. It didn't matter how he used the calories; just that he stayed within bounds. As I read his entries from Day 1, I wasn't hearing any fussing about organic vs non-organic, or about eating only certain foods or avoiding any foods. I was reading about a guy trying to eat his favorite foods, but in moderation. It sounded challenging and yet refreshingly simple.
As I kept reading, I saw how he slowly ramped up his exercise routine and strove for consistency in his habits above almost everything else. And how successful he was---and this is someone real and relatable, whose daily entries have that unmistakable heart of authenticity.
I really believe that I will do this. I have to do this. Being 80 lbs overweight might not put me squarely in the life-or-death category of obesity, but it makes life . . . well, uncomfortable, a lot of the time. My lower back hurts from doing the smallest amount of housework. I've noticed that airplane seats seem to have shrunk . . . . erm. Right? Same goes for public transportation seats. I'm sick of the focus of my life being on eating. I'm tired of hiding behind that. Maybe this really is life-or-death in a way, because my life has felt so diminished as I have sat here covered by layers of excess fat. My confidence, my energy levels, my willingness to meet new people . . . all of it diminished. I'm afraid to shoot for the stars. Instead I have another candy bar and try not to think about it.
But not anymore.
I'm following a modified version of Sean's simple plan in that I am giving myself a daily calorie bank of 1700 calories per day rather than 1500. I will also be building up my exercise levels over time. It was a minor bummer that today, Day 1, I woke up sick. I still had to walk the Bean (our little dog), so ended up getting in 0.8 miles of walking, but other than that I had to rest. I stuck to my calorie budget---in fact, I still have 150 calories left for an after-dinner snack---and even challenged myself to choose something for lunch from a place I've regularly overate from in the past: Boston Market. After doing a little research, I settled on a smoked turkey plate (regular size) with sides of herbed new potatoes and green beans, and half a piece of cornbread. It was really tasty, and only clocked in at about 440 calories for a very satisfying meal. My little experiment was a success! Which is great news, because more than anything I don't want my weight-loss plan to be a cause to fear "real-world" eating experiences. That was a problem with pretty much all of my past plans . . . I never did get a grip on how to eat normal food in normal amounts at the places my friends and family frequented. I never taught myself how to take responsibility for these food choices. Instead I just tried to avoid them---but eventually that always caught up with me and often caused the demise of whatever diet I happened to be on.
I felt some physical hunger at several points during the day, despite the fact that I felt like I was eating quite a bit. And the weird thing is I got kind of disappointed in myself for being hungry. Huh. Honestly, I think I'm mostly scared that hungry feelings will wear down my resistance. But that just can't be allowed to happen this time! My new watchword: Consistency. If I stick to my calorie budget and give exercise an honest, regular effort, I can reach a healthy weight and life a fuller life than I have in years. I know I can do this. I'm fortunate to have the unconditional love and support of my boyfriend, who is behind me 100% of the way. I'm doing this for me first and foremost, but I can't deny that this could have tremendous positive impact on our life together and perhaps even my career. I have made enough excuses and stayed in this rut long enough (over 5 years). I am going to act "as if" I have what it takes to go the distance, even on the days when I'm not feeling great about myself. I am going to keep doing what it takes to lose the weight.
This morning I weighed in on our home scale at 203 lbs. An all-time high. As I work my way down to around 125 lbs, I know there will be some struggles---but I'm also finally open to seeing all the positive aspects of the journey. I have faith in this.
Consistently,
Hilsie
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